I want to die.

Reading the scanlations of Scarlet Beriko’s Jealousy, I kinda feel like I want Rogi to have his happy ending with Akitora…but then again, I’m thinking that’s not going to happen at all because Rogi has a lot of issues, even though he seems to have mellowed out after the events of Yondaime. I also get the feeling that he might’ve been indirectly involved with Akitora’s wife’s death, hence their distance. Well, whatever.

I live in a 2-storey house which, for all its large size, is quite empty and I, its solitary occupant, barely feel like it’s “home”.

If I die tonight, nobody would know. Even if I could be saved, I won’t be because my death will only come to light in two days give or take. My laundrywoman is a simpleton, she wouldn’t wonder why I failed to answer her calls, or why I haven’t opened the door for her. She’ll come over again in the afternoon and see the lights on and think that I had come home. She wouldn’t call out my name again, she’ll assume that I have fed the dogs. By the time I’m found, I would have started to decay. Cold and hard.

The loss of my life would be as insignificant as I feel right now. As empty and meaningless as I am, as I breathe. Everyone would simply move on, live as they have when I was around because that’s how much my life meant. It meant nothing.